so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
