sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
