I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize