Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
