I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
