Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize