Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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