and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
