chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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