YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i think i have herpe
just one?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
