I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I understand Curling. That high.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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