I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
