If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
