I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
