no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
