Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ttyl tear gas
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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