Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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