So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Come on in and take your pants off
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize