screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I came so hard my ears popped.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
