If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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