Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize