We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You ate ashes out of my bong
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
