just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
