i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
