I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
