I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
