last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
