i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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