Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize