On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
