I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
