i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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