When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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