I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
