I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
