i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Randomize