can we get nightvision for the apartment?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
