Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
