I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
