I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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