What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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