shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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