don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
