I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
