Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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