Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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