This girl is more easily done than said...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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