Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
