Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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