when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
