i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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