There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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