Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
