The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
