A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
