yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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