Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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