oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize