It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize