You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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