Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
