I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
