oh god the rape fog is back!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well you can't waste a boner
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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