Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
