i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
