Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
