So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
