So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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