I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize