So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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