Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
