And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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